Still struggling with flirting and not forcing it

[Christian F]

Hi my name is Chris. I’m part of the spotlight dating and have learned a lot but the one thing I really needed to “level up” is still the thing that I have trouble with. My whole life I have created a friend vibe because as I now know it I haven’t been able to create an “us”. So on my dates I would try to create them wherever and whenever I could. This led to the comments of the women feeling as if I was forcing my flirtation. Being that my whole life I could never get this right it triggered a lot of emotions to where it had me in tears and ready to throw in the towel. I am still very upset but I want to get better at this cause I’m tired of being alone. My ask is for anyone, Anyone who has a handle on the flirting to please help me with it. I am really introverted and don’t want to shut the world out and stat to myself. And that would be easy for me.

Thank you
Chris

[Christina D]

Hi Christian, So sorry we didn’t see this post here, as it came through on Jessica’s comment, and not through the Wolf Pack thread. I would say when it comes to flirting, it doesn’t necessarily have to be obvious at first. You mentioned that women commented that it felt like you were forcing flirtation. If US statements come out forced or forward, it might be because you’re not building the connection first – which I know can be hard. Maybe start slower with playful conversation, or teasing. Think, how can I turn this discomfort I’m feeling into playful energy? Instead of an “US”, reference something she’s said or done, and tease her a little about it. For example, if she says “I LOVE fast cars, I think they’re so cool, my dad had them when I was growing up and we were close, riding around with him was a blast” you could respond with “You seem like the type of woman who would like the thrill of fast cars, AND you’re a daddy’s girl!?!… Uh oh, I should watch out! You could be trouble!” This gives her the sentiment that you’re not only listening intently to what she’s saying, and responding to it, but you’re teasing in your delivery and including yourself in the equation. Sometimes “flirtation” is just the feeling you build during the conversation, and not necessarily overt comments that she could point out as “forward”. I hope this example was helpful!

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